By Tim Killian

When I first started running, I was a sophomore in high school and had impressed myself with the mandatory mile everyone had to do in Health class, so I decided to join the Track & Field team. Optional captain’s practices were starting soon, and I just jumped in full of blissful ignorance. The first run we did at practice was by far the furthest I had ever run and it felt smooth and easier than I expected. I had no idea how far we had gone until we were done and I asked an upperclassman who said it was about 3 miles. Being able to run 3 miles with ease felt amazing and filled me with a lot of false confidence, this running thing is a piece of cake! That confidence was soon gone when we went on our first long run later that week. 

For my high school in Richfield, the annual run to the Mall of America and back was a rite of passage for the new members of the distance team and I was excited to get moving. When we started off, there were about a dozen of us and people who had done the run before told me how great it was to go through the Mall’s food court and get as many free samples as you could before starting the run back. Everyone was acting casual, no one looked concerned about the distance (including myself) and we set off. Getting there was no problem, everyone was able to hold conversation and when we got there the samples were good – with the exception of Chipotle, who earlier that year started charging $1 for a tortilla rather than give one away for free which was a real buzzkill for a bunch of broke high school kids – But we ate what we were offered and then we started the trip back. 

Just like on the 3 mile run earlier that week, I could not judge for myself how far we had run. To this day I cannot estimate distance traveled without the help of a watch or gps of some kind. But looking back, it was about 4 miles at the turnaround and fatigue and my first experience with heavy legs and tight calves started to set in. My confidence was quickly waning as I was gasping for air while the other runners held casual conversation while running at a faster pace than me. I slowly drifted to the back of the pack and held on for another mile or so.

At about the 6 mile mark, 2 miles to go, I couldn’t hold on anymore and started walking. One of the captains of the team was running in the back to make sure no one got left behind and saw me start walking in front of him. “We don’t walk in distance running,” he said to me, “C’mon, just keep running.” He tapped me on the back and started running. Although it may come across this way when written out, his tone was not demeaning or aggressive in any way. It was more like a gentle nudge to pick up the pace. Brand new to running, this was the first time I was pushed to work through fatigue. So I did and I have been trying to fight that battle ever since.

Whether running recreationally, or training for/performing in a race I think everyone reaches a point where they wonder if they can carry on running regardless of the distance. It can be because you started out at too fast a pace, a killer hill came out of nowhere, or maybe it is just one of those days. I know at my low points I look for any excuse to start walking, or quit altogether: “I can just fake an injury” I think to myself, its too hot, my legs hurt, or my lungs are on fire. When this mental battle starts, here is what I do to respond: 

• I remember the words of my high school captain. I tell myself that running slower is better than walking. Even if I add 4 minutes to my mile time, I hold a jogging pace, try to breath deep and to “Just keep running.” Doing this has helped me to break through the dreaded wall and eventually pick my pace back up again, whether it’s after a few seconds, or a few minutes. When this happens it feels really good knowing I never fully committed to walking and can still salvage a goal time. If it’s during a training run, I pride myself knowing that I got stronger that day. 
• Hills are a beast of their own. There is no worse feeling when you are tired in the middle of a long run, turn a corner and see what might as well be a mountain down the road in front of you. It can be so enticing to start walking and attack the hill slowly, march to the top and tell yourself you’ll start running again when you reach the top. The problem with that is, your legs are gonna hurt at the top regardless if you run or walk. My philosophy is this: If I keep my current pace/effort as I run up the hill, once I get through “the suck” and reach the top where the road flattens out, my current pace will feel like a relief. If I were walking, now I have to convince myself that running faster is my reward for reaching the top. No thanks. 
• Heavy legs or burning lungs are much harder to overcome because they are a physical pain whereas I think hills are more of a mental hurdle. Fighting this might take some mental gymnastics, but when a run starts getting especially difficult or painful and I am getting closer and closer to walking I ask myself, “What actually hurts?” I try to narrow it down, is it my legs feeling weak/sore making this tougher, or is it my endurance that is hurting me with my breath being sporadic and my heart rate higher than it should be? When I do this, there is usually some pain to push through, but I lean on what doesn’t hurt to keep me going. For example, If it is my legs that hurt I’ll take a deep breath and relish in the fact that I am fit enough to do it, I just have to endure some discomfort, but that will make me stronger. 

With all that being said, I will own the fact that I still walk while running/training. This is not a cure for negative thoughts, only a remedy. They do not always work for me (I have previously wrote about withdrawing from Grandma’s Marathon because I lost the mental battle) but they help me a lot, and I hope they can help you as well. I also want to make it clear that I am in no way a qualified trainer and if you think you are injured or hurting in any way, please stop and take a break or cut your run short. Take care of you first. If however, you know that it is just bad thoughts or safe pain and you need an extra push, remember Tim said to “Just Keep Running.”